Lawyers and counsellors believe that often a divorce is not the best course
of action
"I don't think it's working out", "we were never meant to be together",
"it's better we call it off": These are just some of the excuses couples
give these days as they annul their marriage. Divorce or dissolution of
marriage is one big step everyone's resorting to these days, be it after a
big fight, or over a trivial issue.
So what is it that's driving the city's couples to something as extreme as
divorce? "Everything has changed now. Women are earning and are financially
independent. There is an aspiration that was not present earlier. Women want
a certain kind of husband; a certain kind of behaviour. They've become very
choosy. They have their own set of expectations and when it's not fulfilled,
they decide to part ways," says Dr MJ Thomas, a psychiatrist.
They say marriage is work, a lot of work. Before marriage, it's like a
trailer, Dr Thomas feels. You marry someone with a lot of expectations. But
only when you get married do you realise that the movie is not as good as
the trailer.
Psychologists say that earlier, the age group filing for divorce was between
35 and 40. But now, couples in the age group of 20 to 30, and even older
people between the ages of 50 and 70 are heading down the road to
splitsville.
Earlier, men used to initiate a divorce, but now, women are opting to do so.
With the law changing, it has become easier for women to file for a divorce.
When a child's involved, however, the rules of the game can change. Lawyers
say that in most cases, mothers get custody as they are considered to be
capable and responsible enough to take care of a child, rather than a
father.
"Law doesn't favour either sex. The thing is, when it comes to women, there
are some additional grounds based on which, the decision is taken. But at
the end of the day, the evidence matters, and nothing else," says BT
Venkatesh, a lawyer. He adds that in the case of minors, the custody usually
goes to the mother, but later on, if the child is deemed capable, they can
decide which parent they want to live with.
Venkatesh also talks of three aspects of marriage: Restitution of Conjugal
Rights, Judicial Separation and Divorce. Whenever there is a strained
relationship and people seek the court's intervention, these are the three
aspects the court looks into. Talking of counselling, Venkatesh feels that
it is required at every level. "Conciliation proceedings are part of
matrimonial cases. It depends on the circumstances, as in many cases, people
seek divorce on frivolous grounds. So in such cases, the help of a
counsellor may do some good in making people realise that they needn't take
such a drastic step."
Ali Khwaja, a counselor, feels that if people believe in the saying
'prevention is better than cure' then they might as well go for pre-marital
counselling, as it helps. "Counselling is a fancy word, but a better
understanding before you tie that knot is a must. One should not wait for
the issue to become a problem."
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