Mumbai: Ninety-two-year-old Laxmibai Paleja is scarred physically and mentally. The bruises on her face are a stark reminder of the violence that she has been allegedly subjected to by her daughter-in-law Darshana and grandson Vinay.
Laxmibai says she has been constantly harassed by the two since her son died of a paralytic attack in December last year.
"My daughter-in-law hit me on my chest and my grandson kicked my face," an inconsolable Laxmibai said, who lives Darshana and Vinay in Mulund, a Mumbai suburb.
After the battering, she was allegedly dumped at her daughter's house who then rushed her to a nearby hospital.
"Ever since my father died they had been constantly harassing her, mentally and physically and she was obviously too weak to defend herself," Laxmibai's daughter Prerna Kapadia said.
Laxmibai's worried daughter went to the Mulund police station to register a complaint, but was disappointed when the police registered it as a non-cognisable offense.
Mumbai has seen a steady rise in such cases. In this particular case, Laxmibai alleges that she was meted out such harsh treatment because she had already given away her property and so now her family didn't want to take care of her.
However, even if her own family has deserted her, many NGOs have come forward to help Laxmibai.
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/ninetytwoyearold-beaten-up-by-family-in-mumbai/62844-3.html
September 30, 2009
Woman gets 5-yr jail for driving husband to suicide. Truly Social Reform.
AHMEDABAD: In a rare conviction, a city sessions court on Friday punished a
woman for causing mental harassment to her husband that led him to
commit suicide.
An additional sessions judge, BU Joshi, awarded five-year jail term to
29-year-old Vandana Batul, a resident of Ghodasar, for exerting pressure on
her husband Shreyas to follow instructions of her parents. Shreyas consumed
poison on February 27, 2006 and died the next day in hospital.
After his death, a criminal proceeding was initiated against Vandana, her
sister Varsha and parents Balkrishna and Tara Kanchani on the basis of the
suicide note written by Shreyas accusing them of torturing him and driving
him to end his life. During the trial, it was also revealed that Vandana had
once tried to commit suicide a month before Shreyas died, because Shreyas
allegedly refused to succumb to the pressure of his in-laws.
After assessing 26 documentary evidence and examining 24 witnesses, judge
Joshi concluded that Shreyas committed suicide because of mental torture by
his in-laws. The court acquitted Vandana's family members for want of
evidence against them, but punished her with five-year imprisonment and
imposed a fine of Rs 500 on her.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/news/city/ahmedabad/Woman-gets-5-yr-jail-for-\
driving-husband-to-suicide/articleshow/5058014.cms
woman for causing mental harassment to her husband that led him to
commit suicide.
An additional sessions judge, BU Joshi, awarded five-year jail term to
29-year-old Vandana Batul, a resident of Ghodasar, for exerting pressure on
her husband Shreyas to follow instructions of her parents. Shreyas consumed
poison on February 27, 2006 and died the next day in hospital.
After his death, a criminal proceeding was initiated against Vandana, her
sister Varsha and parents Balkrishna and Tara Kanchani on the basis of the
suicide note written by Shreyas accusing them of torturing him and driving
him to end his life. During the trial, it was also revealed that Vandana had
once tried to commit suicide a month before Shreyas died, because Shreyas
allegedly refused to succumb to the pressure of his in-laws.
After assessing 26 documentary evidence and examining 24 witnesses, judge
Joshi concluded that Shreyas committed suicide because of mental torture by
his in-laws. The court acquitted Vandana's family members for want of
evidence against them, but punished her with five-year imprisonment and
imposed a fine of Rs 500 on her.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/news/city/ahmedabad/Woman-gets-5-yr-jail-for-\
driving-husband-to-suicide/articleshow/5058014.cms
September 16, 2009
Ayurvedic Recommendations for Emotional Health
Ayurvedic Recommendations for Emotional Health
Depression is affecting a large section of humanity each year.
Women are twice as likely as men to experience depression in their lives, and are especially vulnerable after the birth of a child, before menstruation and during menopause.
Depression can take many different forms: frequent sad, anxious or "empty" mood; loss of interest and pleasure in activities; fatigue; irritability; social withdrawal, acting out behavior and family conflict; insomnia; loss of appetite or weight gain; feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or pessimism; declining school grades or job performance; and poor concentration. For some, the winter season can bring on a low mood, for others depression is caused by major life changes, such as a divorce, major financial problems, a chronic illness, death of a loved one and other life stresses.
Ayurveda has much to offer the person who suffers from occasional emotional imbalance. The Ayurveda Physicians gives us some practical guidelines to help us stay happy and healthy throughout life.
It is recommended to see an Ayurveda physician in your area if you suspect you have depression-he or she can do a pulse diagnosis and tailor an individualized program to help restore balance.
1. Practice Meditation /Pranayama for 20 minutes twice a day to relieve emotional, physical, mental and environmental stress.
2. Go to bed before 10:00 p.m. Earlier is even better. Getting enough rest is essential for emotional health, and falling asleep during the Kapha time of night generates a deep, restful sleep that truly refreshes mind and body. If you stay up beyond 10:00 p.m., after the Pitta time of night starts, you are likely to feel hungry and give in to cravings to eat "junk" food. Even eating healthy foods at this hour disrupts digestion, which needs the night time to cleanse impurities and rest. Falling asleep after 10:00 p.m. produces a more restless sleep, and you will be more likely to wake up in the night with emotional distress.
3. Wake up with the rising sun. Waking up early is critical to preventing depression, because sleeping during the late morning, after 6:00 a.m., causes the shrotas or channels of communication to be clogged with impurities, leading to dullness of mind, depressed moods and slow communication between heart and mind.
4. Walk outdoors when the sun is rising and breathe deeply. Daily exercise is essential to combat depression, because exercise helps moved blocked emotions and hormones out of the body. It increases the power of agni and helps improve processing power. Exercise also releases positive neurohormones, elevating mood and positive thoughts. The early morning sun adds an extra boost, because you become infused with the positive energy of the sun when it is at its most saatvic and benevolent for all body types. Walking in the early morning sun helps open the channels, stimulates digestion and elimination, clears the impurities from the previous day, and is an overall tonic for ideal health.
5. Make sure you eliminate each morning. Constipation can cause headache, dullness, fatigue and depression. If your elimination is sluggish or blocked, start your day with cooked apples, prunes and figs.
Drink plenty of water throughout the day. Eat your meals at the same time each day, with the main meal at noon and a lighter meal in the evening. The early morning walk will go a long way toward making your elimination regular as well.
6. Eat intelligent foods. Foods that are natural, unprocessed and contain more of nature's intelligence are digested quickly by the body and create ojas.
Ojas is the product of good digestion that creates bliss, stable emotions and good health in the body. Intelligent foods are milk, clove, walnut, pear, and coconut. Eat intelligent proteins such as soaked seeds and nuts with raisins and dates; panir (fresh cheese); and buttermilk rather than yogurt or lassi, as this lighter drink does not increase Kapha and is better for lightening emotions. To make buttermilk, follow this simple recipe. Please note that ayurvedic buttermilk is not the same as the buttermilk you buy in the store. This recipe helps restore the beneficial bacteria in the intestinal tract, thus helping digestion and assimilation.
Ayurvedic Buttermilk Ingredients:
1/4 c. fresh cold yogurt (For best results, use freshly made yogurt. To find out to make your own yogurt, see the foods section at www.mapi.com)
3/4 c. purified cold water (the temperature must be cold for this recipe to work)
1/4 t. cumin powder
1/4 t. coriander leaf (cilantro)
1 pinch of rock salt or sea salt
Directions: Place the freshly-made yogurt in the blender and blend for three to five minutes. Add the cold water, and blend again on low for three to five minutes. You will notice that a fatty foam has collected at the top of the yogurt. Skim it off with a spoon and discard. Repeat the blending and removing of the fatty foam if the yogurt remains thick, white and solid. When the yogurt has become watery but still cloudy in color, you have made buttermilk. Add the spices and stir by hand briefly to mix the spices evenly. Serve at room temperature.
7. Spices such as black pepper help to enhance medha agni, which means they improve coordination between different functions of the mind. Other spices enhance digestion and balance the emotions.
8. Give yourself a daily abhyanga (Ayurvedic oil massage). Massage has many benefits: it increases circulation, allows toxins to be cleared from the tissues, invigorates the body, calms the mind and soothes emotions. The sense of touch is associated with emotions, and even if you are massaging yourself you are giving your skin the tactile stimulation needed to balance Vata dosha and calm anxiety and stress. Follow your massage with a warm bath to flush out the toxins that have been pushed out from the cells with the massage.
9. Do moderate exercise such as Yoga Asanas. In addition to your half-hour walk in the early morning sun, it's important to include Vedic exercise such as Yoga Asanas in your schedule. Yoga Asanas enhance digestion, stimulate the Sadhaka Agni, cleanse toxins from the channels and cells of the body and improve overall balance and health. They are excellent for clearing away the toxins that lead to depression.
10. Take Ayurveda rasayanas. Rasayanas are elixirs for bliss and rejuvenation, and are the cream of the herbal kingdom, prepared according to ancient methods that can take weeks. Maharishi Amrit Kalash is the most powerful of all the rasayanas, and it has the ability to create bliss, contentment, and ideal health. Like any true rasayana, Maharishi Amrit Kalash has the ability to enhance medha, or the coordination between the mental functions of learning, retention and recall. This kind of coordination is important for balancing the emotions and helping to prevent depression.
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AIM LOW IS CRIME - APJ.
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September 15, 2009
Regarding your presence in SIFF-PUNE Weekly meeting.
Hi,
You are absent in more than last 2 weekly meetings, And now SIFF-Pune have decided that if member is not coming for more that 2 weeks without any reason or prior intimation then we are going to remove such members from yahoo group. and may be will not entertain such people in weekly meetings for their query regarding their cases own also .. we want every SIFF member to contribute atleast little bit in some area.
Requesting you to come for next weekly meeting.
To Respect your idendity I have put all missing member's in BCC List.
If you have attended any of last 2 meetings and your have still received this mail, I apologies for the same.
Thanks and Regards,
Atit
Pune
--
Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail
http://siff-pune.blogspot.com/
http://ivf-498a.blogspot.com/
Pune
--
Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail
http://siff-pune.blogspot.com/
http://ivf-498a.blogspot.com/
September 14, 2009
Maharashtra HC CHIEF JUDGE SPEAK ON MISSUE OF 498A DV ACT
Chief Justice urges PWD to complete new court complexes in time
Express News Service Posted: Sep 14, 2009 at 0248 hrs
Pune Chief Justice of Bombay High Court Swatanter Kumar said that all the new court complexes in Maharashtra would be state-of-the-art structures with corporate office look. He was speaking during the foundation stone laying ceremony of the new building for family court at Shivajinagar. "All the upcoming court complexes in Maharashtra will be class structures with help from the public works department (PWD). They (PWD) do wonders when they want to," he said.
The Chief Justice voiced an open request to the PWD officials, who were present for the function, to ensure that the family court building is completed within time. "Delays hamper proper functioning of the court, which is of utmost importance and increases the cost of construction, which is unreasonable for the tax payer," he said.
Addressing the fellow judges and lawyers, Justice Kumar referred to Australia's specialist Federal Court that offers less adversarial trials that are flexible, meet the need of the situation and are less costly as compared to traditional trails. "Our lawyers, judges and counselors may study these aspects to find out whether any of such methodologies may be imported into our system," he said.
Justice Kumar stated that the child sex ration at 927:1000 is not only a sad reflection of the status of women in the country, but also a warning bell for the future. On the other hand, there are few instances of misuse of women-centric laws like 498A and domestic violence act. "Merely passing legislations cannot create equality unless we take effective steps to change our mind sets," he said.
The family court with five courtrooms, presently located in Bharati Vidyapeeth Bhavan at Alka Chowk, will be shifted at this new location once the building is ready. The new building will be three-storeyed and will house eight courtrooms. Principal Judge of Pune family court S D Joshi spoke about the need of additional facilities needed in the court. Referring to a case in 2000 where the husband had committed suicide due to his pending case at family court, Joshi said, "Pune is in a position to start a psychological service centre that help litigants in coping up with the cases. Presently, there is one such centre in Mumbai that is run by a charitable institution twice a week. A child guidance centre for children of divorcees is of equal importance in a family court."
Joshi said that the cases coming to family court are just the tip of the iceberg as many others go unreported. "However, considering the increasing number of cases in the court, we need to have a free litigation counselling centre and a legal aid office to guide the litigants in out-of-court settlements and in filing cases, only if need be," she said. "We are also expecting separate bar rooms for male and female lawyers, meeting place for litigants and lawyers and a library in the news premises," said some of the family court lawyers.
Justice V C Daga, Justice J S Bhatia, Justice J N Patel, Justice S C Dharmadhikari, Justice A A Sayyed, Pune district judge Vijay Achliya were present for the function.
UNITED WE STAND - Law not on our side, say moms-in-law
Members of the Akhila Bharatha Atteyara Sangha, or forum for mothers-inlaw, who held their first meeting in Bengaluru on Sunday, say laws that have been promulgated to protect women are now being used against them. The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, they feel, is being misused by many women to harass their husbands and families.
"Daughters-in-law are filing false cases simply to get back at us for minor issues at home," says Janaki Srinivas, forum member. "In such instances, the police almost always takes the side of the wife. Police officers do not even enquire to determine what the actual case is."
The association, founded less than two weeks ago to create awareness on harassed mothers-in-law, already has around 60 members.
"Baseless allegations by daughters-in-law against their husbands and mothersin law are on the rise," notes forum president C. Rajeshwari. "This has led to an increase in suicides among husbands and their family members as a result of the embarrassment caused by the allegations."
The forum has called for amendments to relevant laws so complaints of harassment by wives are thoroughly investigated.
Source : http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCB/2009/09/14/ArticleHtmls/14_09_2009_002_009.shtml?Mode=1
Mothers-in-law gather strength
Mothers-in-law gather strength
BANGALORE: Are you a regular viewer of saas-bahu soaps and taken in by vampish mother-in-laws portrayed on screen? It's not always so in real life. The truth is, not only bahus are victims and traumatized by saas - even the mother-in-law is at the receiving end.
There is evidence: the All India Mother-In-Law Forum was launched on September 6 this year. Forum coordinator Neena Dhuli, who was a victimized mother-in-law, was accused of dowry harassment and is still fighting a related legal battle.
The Forum, possibly a first of its kind, has gathered 50 members across India. It will help mothers-in-law globally who are falling prey to a one-sided legal system, which often favours daughters-in-law. The Forum will also organize dharnas to make citizens and government aware of the real issue.
Forum members will meet every Sunday at Cubbon Park at 11 am.
"The present legal system has no provision for mothers-in-law. Being a victim, I can understand the limitations. The bride and her family members take undue advantage of the provisions made by the government for empowerment and protection of women," Neena pointed out.
"We're receiving 50 calls every day since the Forum was launched," she added.
Neena's son, Virag R Dhulia, was married in 2007. Her daughter-in-law filed cases against Neena and family in September for dowry harassment and domestic violence.
"The cases are pending. We're suffering for no reason. My daughter-in-law wanted financial possession of our family and planned these cases," she alleged.
Founder-member of the Forum includes Mamta Naik, Sahira Shiggaon and Rajeshwari, who have suffered under similar circumstances.
There is evidence: the All India Mother-In-Law Forum was launched on September 6 this year. Forum coordinator Neena Dhuli, who was a victimized mother-in-law, was accused of dowry harassment and is still fighting a related legal battle.
The Forum, possibly a first of its kind, has gathered 50 members across India. It will help mothers-in-law globally who are falling prey to a one-sided legal system, which often favours daughters-in-law. The Forum will also organize dharnas to make citizens and government aware of the real issue.
Forum members will meet every Sunday at Cubbon Park at 11 am.
"The present legal system has no provision for mothers-in-law. Being a victim, I can understand the limitations. The bride and her family members take undue advantage of the provisions made by the government for empowerment and protection of women," Neena pointed out.
"We're receiving 50 calls every day since the Forum was launched," she added.
Neena's son, Virag R Dhulia, was married in 2007. Her daughter-in-law filed cases against Neena and family in September for dowry harassment and domestic violence.
"The cases are pending. We're suffering for no reason. My daughter-in-law wanted financial possession of our family and planned these cases," she alleged.
Founder-member of the Forum includes Mamta Naik, Sahira Shiggaon and Rajeshwari, who have suffered under similar circumstances.
September 11, 2009
What about the evil bahu?
|
For years they've been haunting television and movie screens, making life miserable for their daughters-in-law — but now a group of real mothers-in-law have decided they've had enough of this lopsided depiction. And it might just trigger a movement. The idea took root over a cup of chai on an ordinary Bengaluru afternoon when a group of friends decided to do something about the one common thing they were all subject to — daughter-in-law abuse! For one of the co-founders of the group, Meera Thuliya, it was an idea whose time had come. "We are all victims and often shared our problems with each other. Then one day we just decided to do something about it." That led to the formation of AIMPF (All India Mother-in-law Protection Forum) a week ago and it is already getting up to 30 calls a day on its helpline. "We also get international calls from as far away as Russia and London," she adds. Meera says that while brides are protected by the strict anti-dowry laws and file cases, the in-laws have no recourse. "Blame the saas-bahu serials that have always shown the mother-in-laws as a vamp. Why don't these serials show the other side of the coin? Do you know that research by the National Family Health Survey (NFHS) shows that women face the most violence from their own mothers. The thing is, when they get married they simply vent their frustration on their in-laws," she says. Co-founder of AIMPF Tahira Shiggaon adds that they plan to take the Forum to different cities as well. "We also plan to approach TV producers and film-makers and ask them to rectify the image of the mother-in-law." Actor Sudha Chandran who has been playing an evil saas for the past eight years says she'd welcome the change. "It would be great," she exclaims. "I've been so bad for so long now, I'd like to be a good saas." Sudha agrees that TV, especially, has created a sympathy vote for the daughter-in-law. "She's someone who has to fight evil and the very word mother-in-law has come to represent that evil," she states. Actor Apara Mehta who has played a mother-in-law with different shades opines that women today would not be affected by a serial or film. "They're a different lot; they're working girls who do not want to make many adjustments. Often, they do not want to live in joint families. Why blame serials?" she asks. Would she continue to play the wicked mother-in-law? "Sure," she enthuses. "It's just a role and I enjoy it." Sums up yesteryear vamp Bindu, "The mother-in-law is always shown as a bad person and I feel it affects the minds of people. The amount of domestic violence shown on screen — in all forms — must be cut down." |
September 10, 2009
Man puts kidney on sale to pay alimony
A man in Ropar has approached a court in Punjab for permission to sell his kidney to pay Rs8,000 maintenance to his estranged wife. The man's monthly income is Rs3,600.
While the judgement is still awaited, this unique case has generated strong demands for a "rational maintenance" in proportion to the husband's salary.
A woman can seek maintenance from her estranged husband under laws like Section 125 CrPC, Section 23 of Domestic Violence Act (DVA), Section 24 Hindu Marriage Act (HMA), Section 18 Hindu Adoptions and Maintenance Acts (HAMA), Section 25 Hindu Marriage Act etc. In fact, Section 24 of HMA even provides relief to a man who has no independent income, besides necessary expense for court proceedings. But husbands claim that men are rarely considered for maintenance while in many cases maintenance has been awarded to wives much beyond the capacity of the husbands.
They now want the judiciary to ponder over the fact that a working and well-qualified wife is an empowered woman and has, hence, no right to claim maintenance. These husbands have written to law minister Veerappa Moily and the Chief Justice of India, proposing a concept of three year interest-free loan to non-working spouses to enable them to get gainful employment.
"The courts should not force an unemployed man to pay maintenance. We have seen cases were husbands are forced to either sell their organs or told to beg/borrow/steal to pay maintenance. Maintenance should be looked upon as a means to survive, not an easy route to tax-free luxuries. The way courts are ordering maintenance in the range Rs20,000-30,000 is completely unacceptable. Maintenance should not be a matter of right but awarded in certain circumstances," said Virag Dhulia of Save India Family Foundation (SIFF), an organisation of harassed husbands.
While some recent judgments indicate that the courts are slowly trying to maintain a balance, the men say it is a drop in the ocean. "The pendulum swings too far to one side. Judiciary has to be sensitive to reality and actual conditions," lawyer Prashant Bhushan said.
While the judgement is still awaited, this unique case has generated strong demands for a "rational maintenance" in proportion to the husband's salary.
A woman can seek maintenance from her estranged husband under laws like Section 125 CrPC, Section 23 of Domestic Violence Act (DVA), Section 24 Hindu Marriage Act (HMA), Section 18 Hindu Adoptions and Maintenance Acts (HAMA), Section 25 Hindu Marriage Act etc. In fact, Section 24 of HMA even provides relief to a man who has no independent income, besides necessary expense for court proceedings. But husbands claim that men are rarely considered for maintenance while in many cases maintenance has been awarded to wives much beyond the capacity of the husbands.
They now want the judiciary to ponder over the fact that a working and well-qualified wife is an empowered woman and has, hence, no right to claim maintenance. These husbands have written to law minister Veerappa Moily and the Chief Justice of India, proposing a concept of three year interest-free loan to non-working spouses to enable them to get gainful employment.
"The courts should not force an unemployed man to pay maintenance. We have seen cases were husbands are forced to either sell their organs or told to beg/borrow/steal to pay maintenance. Maintenance should be looked upon as a means to survive, not an easy route to tax-free luxuries. The way courts are ordering maintenance in the range Rs20,000-30,000 is completely unacceptable. Maintenance should not be a matter of right but awarded in certain circumstances," said Virag Dhulia of Save India Family Foundation (SIFF), an organisation of harassed husbands.
While some recent judgments indicate that the courts are slowly trying to maintain a balance, the men say it is a drop in the ocean. "The pendulum swings too far to one side. Judiciary has to be sensitive to reality and actual conditions," lawyer Prashant Bhushan said.
Indian mothers-in-law campaign for protection
Indian mothers-in-law campaign for protection
By Harmeet Shah Singh CNN NEW DELHI, India (CNN) -- Some 50 mothers-in-law have come together in a campaign seeking legal protection from what they allege is abuse of laws favoring daughters-in-law in the country. "There are a number of laws to protect daughters-in-law in India, but there is none to protect us," said Neena Dhulia, coordinator of the newly-launched All India Mother-in-Law Protection Forum. The group was formed last Sunday in the southern Indian city of Bangalore, she told CNN. In India, thousands of brides are alleged to be killed each year over dowries. Such killings, suspected of being committed by their in-laws, are mostly described as kitchen accidents. A tiny percentage of these murderers are brought to justice, according to UNICEF. But Dhulia insisted daughters-in-law often use India's tough anti-dowry law to settle scores. "Our primary aim is to raise awareness in society about the state of mothers-in-law," she said. Dhulia regretted that Indian films and soap operas too portrayed mothers-in-law mostly as vamps. "The stereotyping of mothers-in-law as evil and blood thirsty by media and popular culture. This violates the civil liberties and the constitutional provisions of right to liberty and right to life," the group said in its launch statement. For a start, the forum, consisting of women older than 50, is holding park meetings in Bangalore every week. "We are receiving encouraging response from all over," she claimed. |
 |
| Find this article at: http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/09/09/india.mothers/index.html |
September 8, 2009
View Point: Divorce soars in India's middle class
Divorce rates are soaring among India's newly affluent middle classes, as working women with independent incomes refuse to submit to the traditional ideal of marriage.
Cases in New Delhi have doubled in five years to a projected figure of 8,000 for 2005, with similar rises seen in Calcutta, Bombay and Bangalore.
Most marriages are still arranged by the parents, with the bride and groom meeting on only two or three occasions before the ceremony.
The bride is expected to move into her husband's house where - for the first four or five years at least - the couple get to know each other under guidance of their joint or extended family.
But a new breed of independently-minded women is often not well-adapted to this role.
The virtues of individualism and self-reliance that are prized by employers who are vying for the services of bright young graduates do not sit easily with the accepted role of a Hindu wife.
In Bangalore, India's showcase tech-city, where women work in call centres and as IT managers, the number of divorces tripled between 1988 and 2002.
Opinion is divided over what the phenomenon means: for traditionalists the rising numbers portend the breakdown of society while, for some modernists, they speak of a healthy new empowerment for women.
"The belief that marriage is sacred has disappeared among some of these girls," said Vandana Sharma, the president of the Women's Protection League in New Delhi. Her organisation runs pre-marriage classes to help women adapt. "We try to teach them how to live in their joint families - how to serve their husbands and their family - because we believe this is the most stable environment for newly wedded couples.
"In our experience love marriages encounter far more problems because couples are left to cope alone and cannot rely on the support and moral guidance of their parents."
But many "new women" are not so sure. A survey by India Today magazine was filled with accounts of how previously independent women found themselves virtually imprisoned after marriage.
The Manu Smriti, the ancient Hindu texts which list acceptable codes of behaviour, say that from the day she is married until the day she dies a wife must be "joyous, adept at domestic work, keep her domestic wares clean and be thrifty".
But one recent divorcee, a 26-year-old teacher from Bombay, said she knew on her honeymoon that her marriage was doomed: her husband ordered her to eat her dinner, even though she was not hungry. Another said she was forbidden to wear skirts and was berated if she arrived home late from work.
For Ranjana Kumari, a sociologist and author of Brides are not for Burning, rising divorce rates are an indicator of women's empowerment. "In the past," she said, "women had little or no choice but to stay with their husbands except in instances of extreme abuse or cruelty.
"They had to tolerate it, to learn to live with their men. With economic empowerment, that is no longer so."
The social stigma of divorce has also receded. Gitanath Ganguly, a broadcaster and chairman of the West Bengal legal aid service, recalled making a television programme on divorce in 1976.
"In those days if a woman got divorced her family would hide her in a separate room, even from her uncles and aunts because of the shame it brought on the family. Attitudes have totally changed."
Source : http://www.centralchronicle.com/viewnews.asp?articleID=14105
Cases in New Delhi have doubled in five years to a projected figure of 8,000 for 2005, with similar rises seen in Calcutta, Bombay and Bangalore.
Most marriages are still arranged by the parents, with the bride and groom meeting on only two or three occasions before the ceremony.
The bride is expected to move into her husband's house where - for the first four or five years at least - the couple get to know each other under guidance of their joint or extended family.
But a new breed of independently-minded women is often not well-adapted to this role.
The virtues of individualism and self-reliance that are prized by employers who are vying for the services of bright young graduates do not sit easily with the accepted role of a Hindu wife.
In Bangalore, India's showcase tech-city, where women work in call centres and as IT managers, the number of divorces tripled between 1988 and 2002.
Opinion is divided over what the phenomenon means: for traditionalists the rising numbers portend the breakdown of society while, for some modernists, they speak of a healthy new empowerment for women.
"The belief that marriage is sacred has disappeared among some of these girls," said Vandana Sharma, the president of the Women's Protection League in New Delhi. Her organisation runs pre-marriage classes to help women adapt. "We try to teach them how to live in their joint families - how to serve their husbands and their family - because we believe this is the most stable environment for newly wedded couples.
"In our experience love marriages encounter far more problems because couples are left to cope alone and cannot rely on the support and moral guidance of their parents."
But many "new women" are not so sure. A survey by India Today magazine was filled with accounts of how previously independent women found themselves virtually imprisoned after marriage.
The Manu Smriti, the ancient Hindu texts which list acceptable codes of behaviour, say that from the day she is married until the day she dies a wife must be "joyous, adept at domestic work, keep her domestic wares clean and be thrifty".
But one recent divorcee, a 26-year-old teacher from Bombay, said she knew on her honeymoon that her marriage was doomed: her husband ordered her to eat her dinner, even though she was not hungry. Another said she was forbidden to wear skirts and was berated if she arrived home late from work.
For Ranjana Kumari, a sociologist and author of Brides are not for Burning, rising divorce rates are an indicator of women's empowerment. "In the past," she said, "women had little or no choice but to stay with their husbands except in instances of extreme abuse or cruelty.
"They had to tolerate it, to learn to live with their men. With economic empowerment, that is no longer so."
The social stigma of divorce has also receded. Gitanath Ganguly, a broadcaster and chairman of the West Bengal legal aid service, recalled making a television programme on divorce in 1976.
"In those days if a woman got divorced her family would hide her in a separate room, even from her uncles and aunts because of the shame it brought on the family. Attitudes have totally changed."
Source : http://www.centralchronicle.com/viewnews.asp?articleID=14105
September 7, 2009
India mothers-in-law fight abuse
By Geeta Pandey
BBc News, Delhi
BBc News, Delhi
A group of Indian mothers-in-law have come together to fight the harassment they claim to endure at the hands of their daughters-in-law.
Fifty women have joined the All India Mothers-in-law Protection Forum (AIMPF), launched in Bangalore city.
A spokeswoman told the BBC that while there were 15 laws to protect the younger generation, there was nothing to protect mothers-in-law from abuse.
India's National Commission for Women has acknowledged the problem.
It says that cases against in-laws are often registered by brides who are protected by strict anti-dowry laws.
But a number of the accusations turn out to be false.
'As vamps'
"The mother-in-law is portrayed as a villain in our society," says Neena Thuliya, coordinator of AIMPF.
"In television serials, films and the media, we are shown as vamps. It's an age-old belief that the mother-in-law physically assaults and mentally tortures the daughter-in-law."
The AIMPF recently did a survey in Bangalore studying cases of abuse and torture filed against the mother-in-law.
Mrs Thuliya says that of the nearly 50 cases they researched, all turned out to be false allegations.
"There was a time when the daughter-in-law had to live with so many restrictions, but now the time has changed. Today's daughter-in-law is free and works outside the home. It's the old mother-in-law who now faces abuse at the hands of the daughter-in-law," Mrs Thuliya says.
"In tele-serials we are the villains, in real life we are the victims," she adds.
Mrs Thuliya says elderly women are sometimes thrown out of their homes by their daughters-in-law.
The forum, she says, will hold meetings every Sunday and will devise strategies to provide support to "harassed mothers-in-law".
The AIMPF says it will also campaign against the demonisation of the mother-in-law in popular culture.
For centuries, in many Indian families, daughters-in-law have been harassed for bringing in "inadequate dowry" - a South Asian tradition where the bride's parents give cash, jewellery and gifts to the groom's family.
The Indian government outlawed giving and accepting dowries in 1961, but the practice continues and even today few arranged marriages take place without an exchange of dowry.
Campaigners say the system has led to the abuse of young brides, making them vulnerable to domestic violence.
Every year, hundreds of women are scalded or even burned alive by their in-laws.
In the past few years, India has introduced several strict laws to protect new brides from abuse and torture.
But it is being accepted by the authorities that the laws are being increasingly misused by young women to harass their in-laws or settle scores.
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